164; it’s only you

There’ll always be that first true love. The one you first spent the night crying for. The one that never really worked out but you kept your hopes up too much. The one who got away. The one who taught you all you need to know about love. And the one that until now, is still the one you look back to whenever you try to love again.

161; burning brighter than the sun

So far I’ve finished 4 final exams! German, checked; Use of Thai Language, checked; English, checked; Eastern Civilization, checked. Yay! Two more to go, baby!

Today was really really really tough. I have a need to tell you how I’d been lately. I studied like all the time (except for the 6 hours of my supposed-to-be study time I couldn’t get back that I spent brewing potions on Pottermore). And I even  picked up the habit of drinking coffee. I never used to drink coffee, but now I need it quite desperately. I don’t like that. Coffee makes teeth turn yellow.

Anyway.

Let’s just say that I’ve been studying a lot. I’d go to bed at 3 am, or go to bed early and then wake up at midnight to continue until 2 or 3 am. My brain’s been going fuzzy. I had English first thing today. It was tough. The vocabulary was nothing much. I think I only got one wrong, which was okay. But the grammar. Oh god. I don’t know how this could have happened, I mean I got everything right in class, and grammar was never my problem. But this exam’s got me questioning myself. Also, I’ve always been a great error detector. I usually know when things are wrong and I always detect the exact number of actual errors in the error analysis part, no more, no less. But not this time. It’s got me questioning myself again. And then the reading. I know my reading skill is great, not excellent but better than just good. Guess what, it didn’t go well in this exam too. And I started wondering if I had started losing my potential or something. The writing was fun, however. As I couldn’t come up quickly enough with examples for the “advantages/disadvantages of being the only child”, nor with reasons for “why social networking sites like Facebook are popular among teenagers”, I ended up with something I already know all too well: describe the first person you had a crush on.

I was being completely honest when writing the paragraph. The picture of the way he was 7 years ago was still clear in my mind. And I poured everything I could think of down on the paper (although, as usual, now to think about it, there are a lot more stuff I failed to come up with at that desperate moment in the examination room). And it made me smile like an idiot to write about him. My words were the truth. Now, Mr Michael might think that the person was fictional, because he seemed unreal by the way I wrote it. But let me tell you, he’s as real as the sun is real. Burning brightly far, far, far away, but it still never fails to let you know that it’s there. The heat makes you go mad, but you can’t live without it either. That’s how real he is to me. And of course, I didn’t write those sentences down because they don’t relate to the topic, but still, I wish I had shared this with Mr Michael. It felt funny, though, to write about my childhood love interest. But hell, it’s Mr Michael. He probably knows me a lot more already than most of my friends at the Faculty. I’m not sure if it’s  good or a bad thing that I am almost always honest and personal in my writing. I wish I had had time to make a copy of that paragraph. It could be a perfect love note, seriously. I wish I could show it to him. I liked the way I felt when I was writing it.

And now I’m hungry.

And I still have to study.

And I hate my life.

Oh, Mr Michael told me I can borrow the books in his office anytime. Even during school break.

Yay! :D

145; i still remember the look on your face lit through the darkness at 1:58

Forever listening to Last Kiss. Forever being reminded of you. Forever not being able to completely forget. Forever in the same old misery. Forever being your past. Forever wanting you. Forever loving you. Forever wanting to be something you’d miss. Forever not knowing how. Forever the name on my lips. Forever you. Forever. Forever.

130; i’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale

I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well..

I was thinking about us. And how I thought I would take you back any second. But then I realized that wasn’t right. So it’s now following my heart or listening to my head.

124; just something that came to mind

I saw One Day today. Excellent film. More about it later.

I don’t know. Twenty years? It’s so ideal. I was weeping most of the time. It reminded me of you and me. I hate to admit it, but it did. And I know it’s silly to even think about the similarities, because that wouldn’t mean anything. It’s just that.. I don’t know. I’m just hoping.

It’s just wishful thinking.

Ha. I thought I got rid of you. Still.